Subita Mortis
by Madame Rhea Di'Ey
Summary: This isn't how it was supposed to go, Orochimaru laments. [OroAnko. Kinda.]


**Author's Note**: I apologize if this doesn't make much sense to you. Truth be told, it doesn't make much sense to me, either. It just...kind of happened.

* * *

**_S_u_b_i_t_a _M_o_r_t_i_s**

**[**_sudden death_**]**

_**...**_

He stands over her, and for long seconds he doesn't move, doesn't blink, doesn't _breathe_.

His diaphragm refuses to contract and let air into his oxygen-deprived lungs, and he punches his own gut in order to un-shock his system.

And then, he collapses, his knees giving in under his weight in a way they haven't in _decades_. He feels faint, and prays to a God he doesn't believe in that he won't pass out next to her corpse, because if he were to wake up soaked in her blood he'd snap; snap any of the shards of conscience his madness has let his mind possess in a million dust-speckle sized pieces. There's only so much that his heart can take, Orochimaru laments and curses himself for still being far too human even in his monstrosity.

(_perhaps that was the mistake. she's told you once that monsters feel more than men do, and you shook your head with a chuckle, thinking her to be foolish._)

He gives an anguished, animal-like and throaty wail, and barely recognizes the sound to be his. He cradles her still warm body close, gathering her up in his arms and holding her tight, tight, _tight _against his chest. He doesn't care her red blood stains his clothes or that he's barren himself open for the world and for the enemy. If anyone was stupid enough to attempt an attack now, he'd shred them to pieces with his bare hands in a fit of rage. Orochimaru buries his face in the side of Anko's throat, refusing to acknowledge that what was running down his face were tears. His body is racked by a violent sob.

And then another.

And another.

(_he knows he doesn't even have the right to mourn; not after so many years of suffering he'd given her – not after so many years of conveniently not giving a damn. he had always simply assumed she'll fend for herself just fine; took him a while to realize how painfully wrong he had been the entire time. and now? now it was too damn late to do a thing. lost your chance, hadn't'cha?_)

He wondered if she had hurt this much when he'd left her behind in the dust, all these years ago. She grew up splendidly, granted; and even if she lapsed into using what he'd taught her, she never once called forth her Curse. Was it because it hurt her to do it? Or was it so she wouldn't be reminded of him even more? Now, he felt angry with her. She should have used the damn seal. He'd given it to her for a reason! Not so she goes off and die when he turns his head because she's too damn stubborn to –

Oh, who the hell is he kidding? He can't blame her. He will never be able to blame her. Hell, not even he would forgive himself after that stunt.

(_he broke her heart when he left. now she's breaking his as she leaves. the difference is, he could have always come back. she's good gone and never to return to him, never again._)

This wasn't how their next reunion was supposed to go. He was supposed to mock her and she was supposed to stab him. He would let her scratch him, so she could take pleasure in having his blood stain her blade. He was fairly sure she'd enjoy scooping it up with her tongue, too; she'd gotten that much from him – a taste and gusto for the flavor of copper and iron that only blood can make blossom in your mouth. Sure, she'd also gotten the snakes, and the fondness for torture, and the flexibility and speed, and –

He holds on tighter, mute and still as a statue, if you don't count the occasional sobs. He wants her back. Back in his arms, back in his life, hell, at least back in his world. He wants her back. Back to him or back to Konoha, it doesn't matter. As long as she's alive, it truly doesn't. His knuckles are white from holding on too tight, and Orochimaru does something he hasn't done since he was five.

He is praying, desperately, to the very God he doesn't believe in. And he's asking for a miracle. Just one miracle, just one, and he'll gladly go to Hell and stay there for as long as forever takes.

(_give her back to me, just give her back to me...please, give her back, give her back, __**give her back to me**__, __**give her –**_)

He feels a faint pulse throb through her subclavian vein and tickle at his lips. For a moment, he almost thinks he's imagining it; but no, it passes again, a faint and shallow beat. With a trembling hand, he checks the jugular for a pulse. Surely enough, it's there; her blood is pumping, the flow shallow but present beneath his silken fingertips. He feels as overjoyed as he could ever feel regarding to anything. Before he even has the time to think properly, he's laying her on the ground and closing the gash in her stomach expertly, tying back together her guts and her flesh, chanting a string of _Stupid! Why didn't I think of it in the first place?!_

Then, he heals the gashes in her thighs, and that more minor one that lets him peak at her sternum. He winces, but continues on. When he's done, he feels for a pulse, and – and oh, oh God, there is a pulse and it's steadier than it was before. And he breathes in relief, and feels like laughing, but his mirth doesn't last long. Because when he opens his eyes again after a blink, she's as dead as she was when he earlier arrived to find out he was many minutes too late.

(_he had passed out and soaked in her blood, holding her close through his delirious unconsciousness; so now he wakes up to the corpse of his lover, and she's as beautiful as ever, only that now she's just a pretty tragedy. poor white snake, didn't you see? your precious doll is _

_dead_

_**dead**_

_**DEAD.**_

_and poor, poor white snake, there's no miracle left for you, so she's gone, gone, **gone**, and gone she'll stay._)

* * *

**AN**: This is my first time writing for this pairing. I feel a bit strange, making my debut with an angst piece, but then again, I tend to lapse and relish in the genre, and OroAnko is a gold mine when you cross the two. And it is rated T because I am paranoid.


End file.
